dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
