I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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