Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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