My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
