Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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