why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
