he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
