when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize