Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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