She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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