I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
