as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
