I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
