He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
