Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just made me feel so damn special
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
