In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
