wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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