You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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