Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
