p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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