we have pet lesbian snakes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
