his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Panties = found
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
