I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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