We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
