I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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