there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
