you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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