I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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