Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
