I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
