It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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