I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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