I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Two words: blizzard sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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