yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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