I'm so fucking centered right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize