my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
