I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
