Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
