paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
