I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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