come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
