dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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