I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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