It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
