He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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