Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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