Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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