Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
