Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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