i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
