So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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