Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
