Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
