We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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