my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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