we have officially lost it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
