There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
