im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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