I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
