Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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