I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
