hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
