I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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