it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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