The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
