So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
