your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
